How to Give a Sensual Massage to Relax and Seduce Your Lover

Whether you're looking to melt away your partner's stress, seduce them with erotic, sensory play or kick start the romance in a sexless relationship, a thoughtful, sensual massage can transform an ordinary day into an extraordinary experience of closeness and highly-charged mutual pleasure... Best of all, you don’t have to be a trained massage therapist – anyone can do it!

Creating the perfect ambience is an art form that can turn a simple massage experience from mundane to magical. Think of yourself as a conductor of sensory experiences – your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create an environment that invites relaxation, anticipation, and intimate connection.

“There’s nothing like a sensual massage to build intimacy between lovers,” says sex and relationship expert, Annabelle Knight. “It’s also a great form of foreplay.”

To help the mood, start by making the room comfortable and warm. Your partner will probably be naked or at least semi-naked, so turn up the heat to stop the shivers – and make sure you won't be disturbed.

You can also turn off the overhead light and add a little romance with some fairy lights or tea lights. Harsh lighting can be an uncomfortable distraction during massage.

Essential mood-setting checklist

• Ensure the room is comfortably warm
• Clear the space of clutter and distractions
• Dim the lights or use soft, warm lighting
• Select a playlist of gentle, rhythmic music
• Lay out a soft, clean towel or heated blanket
• Light a candle or burn an aromatherapy wax melt to scent the room
• Gather your high-quality massage oil and a massage wand or handheld massager

Expert advice: If using massage oil, gently warm it by placing the bottle in a bowl of warm water. This small detail can transform the entire experience from good to OMG!

You need two things for a good massage: your hands and some sensuous oil to help glide over your partner’s skin. Go one step further and bring in a cheeky massage toy really impress your lover. Read on to find out how to choose the right oils and toys for your massage.

Massage oils

Massage oils help your hands glide over your partner’s skin. They feel amazing and smell great, adding to the overall sensuousness of your massage. Let’s explore some of your slippy slidey options:

Essential oils like lavender and ylang-ylang are popular choices for a calming and sensual vibe. But essential oils are very concentrated, so you should add a couple of drops to carrier oil to dilute them.

Oils such as sweet almond and apricot kernel are great carrier oils and can be used on their own or with essential oils. Coconut oil and olive oil may sound like they belong in the kitchen, but these can also be used perfectly safely on the skin.

From sensual gels and arousing oils to skin-safe melting wax candles, there are all kinds of alluring scents and glides to elevate your play, while at the same time nourishing your skin - it’s a win, win!

Expert advice: Find out if your partner’s skin has any special requirements; if they have any allergies or any particularly sensitive areas that they would like you to avoid. Equally, are there any erogenous zones that your partner thinks would benefit from some ‘extra special’ attention?

Massage toys

Some people prefer a light, sensual touch while others enjoy harder, deeper tissue kneading for those truly stubborn stress points. Massage accessories and toys will help you deliver different sensations depending on what your partner likes.

If your lover likes more intense pressure or a little teasing, try a massage wand. Whether full-size, mini, rechargeable, or mains powered, massage wands are super easy to use on your lover’s sore muscles and pleasure points alike. Check out our guide: How to Use a Wand Vibrator

And, if buzzing’s just not your bag, then it’s definitely worth taking a look at manual body massagers. Featuring ergonomic designs for ease-of-use, these top toys will not only pamper and pleasure your partner, but they can also help with tired hands and fingers and add an extra deep level of pressure if required.

For something a bit different, hot massage rocks are a great option for tension release. The tactile texture and heat from using these smooth little operators can feel incredible against the skin and are also ideal for anyone interested in temperature play.

Expert advice: When choosing your toys and oils, be careful to avoid using any silicone-based products with silicone sex toys, as it’ll degrade your toy over time. As a rule, water-based lubes and gels are usually fail-safesafe with any kind of toy. But be careful to only use oil-based lubes or massage oils on skin.

“In my professional opinion, oil-based lube should just be reserved for a massage,” adds Annabelle. If your massage session is intended as foreplay, make sure you have some water-based lube to hand for use “down there”. According to Annabelle, oil-based lube isn’t best suited to sex toys or genitals.

Kickstart the romance: Shop sex toys for couples

You absolutely do not need to be a professional massage therapist in any way, shape, or form to deliver mind-blowing feels. Human touch alone can be a magical, soothing, and of course, an arousing experience.

Before you start, rub your hands together to warm them - cold hands are a non-negotiable deal-breaker!

Get your partner in position

Position is everything if you both want to be relaxed and comfortable throughout. Have your partner lie with their head at the foot of the bed – or horizontally across the bed if it’s wide enough – so you can stand up while working on the neck later. Encourage them to relax their arms down by their sides so there’s zero tension in their shoulders.

Throughout the massage session regularly check in on your partner with questions such as ‘Are you ok?’, ‘Is this pressure right for you?’ and ‘Do you want me to continue?’.

Begin at the feet

A gentle foot rub is the perfect way to kick things off. Feet contain many nerve endings and can be highly sensitive, so massaging them can be extremely pleasurable and is great for relieving tension and fatigue.

Use the heel of your hand to press down into the sole of the feet, then use your thumbs from both hands to gently knead and stoke up and down while your fingers mimic the same motion on the top of the foot. Pull each toe lightly and softly rub between them with your fingers.

Expert advice: Before you begin you can use hot cloths to cleanse the feet. Or, to really take the experience up a notch, run your partner a bath so they can get clean and relax in some bubble bath while you set up the bedroom – sorry, massage parlour!

Start using warmup strokes

If you’re using massage oil, rub a small amount between your palms to help warm your hands before placing them on your partner’s skin.

Then, apply the oil using long, fluid strokes from the lower back to neck, then down the sides. Continue for 2 minutes, gradually increasing pressure, especially along the sides.

Remember that your objective is to arouse not pummel, so go slowly**.** There’s nothing less relaxing than a rushed back rub. Once the muscles have warmed up and are relaxed, you can slightly increase the pressure. Guide your partner to breathe deeply until relaxed.

Expert advice: Your hands aren’t the only tools at your disposal. Oil yourself up and make good use of your chest, arms and stomach. Bring a vibrating bullet (or the massage wand from earlier) and tease their buttocks and perineum with it.

Try some simple techniques

Resume long, slow, fluid strokes to the whole of the back and include arms and legs into your massage pattern. Hands and fingers can also be gently massaged here – use your thumbs in a circular motion for the palms. Repeat this 3 to 4 times.

Keep in mind that you want to follow the flow of the muscles, not work against them. And try to notice what pressure points your partner is responding to. Do they sigh or moan happily when you rub their neck or tense up if you go near their ticklish ribs?!

Expert advice: This is a great place to bring in a wand massager, rolling the head around your partner’s shoulders. Avoid placing the vibrating head directly against the spine, as this can feel jarring, but be sure to work the muscles either side.

Never tried toys together? Here’s our guide on How to Use Sex Toys with a Partner

Incorporate some sexier moves

Move with intention and consent, travelling to more intimate external erogenous zones to tease and build anticipation.

Start with gentle cupping and caressing of breast and nipples, then move on to kneading the butt. Use soft slow, circular strokes to the inner thighs, gradually moving higher while occasionally sliding your hands between their buttocks to stroke the balls or labia. Teasing is hot.

Expert advice: Your hands aren’t the only tools at your disposal. Oil yourself up and make good use of your chest, arms and stomach. Bring a vibrating bullet (or the massage wand from earlier) and tease their buttocks and perineum with it.

Treat them to a little tongue

While you’re working on the butt massage, you can bring in little licks and kisses around the cheeks, balls, or labia. You could even try rimming your partner by gently circling their anus with your tongue.

Or, venture into light bondage and lip-biting sensory play. Adding a blindfold or wrist restraints will introduce a safe thrill, while pinwheels, feather ticklers, and spankers will up the ante. How far you go is entirely up to you and your partner.

But of course, get consent before you try anything new. Some surprises do more than break the spell of a sensual massage.

If you’re both keen to progress from sexy massage to more foreplay, instruct your lover to turn over and show you how they like to touch themselves. Exploring mutual masturbation together can be a hot way to keep building the sexual tension from your massage.

Rest together

Regardless of where the massage leads, a spot of intimate aftercare will deepen your connection and your partner’s relaxation. After the massage (and whatever follows!) is over, rest and hydrate together.

Cuddle and share gentle touches while you debrief on what you both liked about the experience. Be curious about what didn’t work so well and offer emotional support and validation. Don’t expect to get a massage in return – at least not straight away!

Tantra is a yogic practice that combines sexuality and spirituality. If you’re not that spiritual, think of it like mindfulness. Tantric massage can help you feel grounded in your body and notice what kinds of touch gives you pleasure. That’s why it’s great for couples. It gives you the opportunity to slow down, connect deeply with each other’s bodies, and learn how to have more satisfying ‘holistic’ sex.

As with all massage, creating a safe, relaxing, warm space is essential. Here’s how to do tantric massage:

• Sit together and connect by looking into each other’s eyes and breathing slowly and deeply together.
• When ready, ask your partner to lie on their back with a cushion placed under their hips to elevate the pelvis.
• Place one hand on their heart and the other on their stomach - encourage deep belly breaths that push your palm upwards.
• Turn attention to your partner’s feet and massage in gentle circular strokes paying attention to the heels, then with your thumb and fingers continue to massage up their legs.

Expert advice: Ask your partner gentle questions about pressure and pleasure, e.g. ‘How is that pressure? ‘Do you like it when I touch you here?’

• Move slowly up to the inner thighs combining long, slow strokes to the inner and outer leg.
• Move back up to the stomach and massage in a circular motion starting at the solar plexus (located in the upper abdomen, in the center of the torso). Continue with long, slow deep strokes to massage the rest of their body.
• Once your partner is fully relaxed, and you have your partner’s consent, make your way down to gently massage the Yoni (vulva) or the Lingam (penis), ensuring you have plenty of massage lube, which is safe to use on genitals.
• Use your fingertips to create small, slightly firmer, circular motions as you approach the crease near to the pelvic bone and continue to the genitals.

With tantra, ejaculation isn’t necessary to have a satisfying, sensual, and intimate experience with your partner. In fact, it's all about the build-up, so consider using edging to bring each other close to climax before slowing down or backing off.

Tantric massage aims to disperse sexual energy from the genital area to the whole of the body, resulting in full-body-mind blowing orgasms when you do finally climax. This experience can help deepen your connection with your body as well as your partner.

Remember, the most powerful tool in any sensual experience is genuine care, respect, and connection. A massage is a conversation without words—make it a dialogue of desire, comfort, and mutual pleasure.