How to Use a Prostate Massager: A Beginner’s Guide

Mind-blowing orgasms without touching your penis (unless you want to)? You heard that right! Introducing: prostate play. People who’ve had prostate orgasms say these climaxes last longer than an ejaculatory climax and feel like a full-body orgasm. Better yet, there’s a sex toy to help you hit just the right spot and get you riding on waves of sexual pleasure. Keep reading to learn all about prostate massagers and how to use them alone or with a partner.

Experience new realms of pleasure: Explore prostate toys

Prostate massagers are anal toys specifically designed to stimulate the P-spot (more on why you’d want to do that later). They’re curved, usually with a tapered tip to ease insertion and a rounded head to ensure stimulation in the right spot.

Like butt plugs, the best prostate massagers have a flared base to stop them from being sucked up by the sphincter muscles. Elite prostate massagers might come with textured nodules to stimulate your perineum, too.

Prostate massagers are made from a variety of sex toy materials like silicone, stainless steel, or glass. Stainless steel and glass prostate massages provide firm pressure but aren’t flexible, so they’re typically suited to more advanced prostate play.

They also come with a range of features: a contoured tip will give a massage effect; beaded prostate massagers offer the intriguing “pop” of anal beads; and vibrating prostate massagers have a vibrating bullet inside which can be turned on or off.

Some come with remote controls for seamless anal vibrations at a click of a button. You could even have harder, longer-lasting erections and prostate stimulation with a cock ring and prostate massager all in one.

Don’t be alarmed by the larger tip of some prostate massagers – these are ideal for beginners as they find your P-spot much more easily.

Pleasure – and plenty of it. The prostate is also known as the P-spot or male G-spot. It’s a small gland between the bladder and the rectum in people assigned male at birth.

Surrounded by nerve endings, the P-spot has huge potential to give you tons of pleasure and super intense orgasms. The exciting thing is, you can even have multiple prostate orgasms. Lots of people find that difficult when wanking with their penis only, because the penis isn’t sexually responsive for a while after an orgasm (that’s known as the "refractory period").

With prostate orgasms, you can come again and again without having a breather!

In her podcast Better in Bed, sexologist Sara Tang talks to Prescott Gaylord (an intimacy coordinator) about prostate play. They describe a prostate orgasm as surfing a wave: the feeling builds in intensity and strength, crescendos before ebbing off. Many people say a prostate orgasm isn’t as intense as an ejaculation as there’s less of a climax, though the orgasm lasts longer in an extended series of waves.

Your prostate gland is about 2 inches inside your rectum and roughly the size of a walnut. Finding your prostate is easiest when the muscles in your bum are relaxed and you’re feeling aroused – so do what you need to do to get in the mood.

1. If anal play is new to you, try it with a finger before using a prostate massager.

2. Start by gently stroking, encircling and teasing the outside of your anus, along your perineum.

3. The anus isn’t self-lubricating so it’s important to use lots of good quality lube.

4. Lie on your back, put your hand between your legs and slowly insert one (well-lubed) finger inside your anus. You’re feeling for an area that feels softer than the surrounding tissue on the wall facing your stomach, not your back.

5. Take the time to discover what feels good for you, whether that’s slow, soft strokes, firmer pressure or a combination.

Don’t worry if you don’t experience a prostate orgasm the first few times you stimulate your prostate. Over time, you’ll work out what your body likes and will get closer to experiencing mind-blowing, full-body prostate orgasms.

When using a sex toy for the first time, it’s natural to want to try it out alone during masturbation before introducing it into partnered sex.

Give yourself time to harness the power of your prostate: find a quiet, comfortable and private space where you won’t be disturbed and set aside some time so your focus is on what feels good rather than the clock!

Wash yourself

Fear of a little poo mess is a common barrier to anal play. With your bum's day job being what it is, it doesn't take a genius to work out why anal exploration takes a little extra prep to make sure you're clean.

Being clean isn't just for hygiene – knowing that you're squeaky clean down below should help you relax and enjoy your prostate experience more, too.

For most people, getting clean is as simple as making sure you’ve been to the toilet that day (so there’s no faeces waiting to evacuate) and having a good wash in the bath or shower before using your massager.

If you prefer, you could use an anal douche to flush your anus about 30-45 minutes before you’d like to enjoy your prostate massager, but a thorough wash is generally enough.

Like any adult toy, you'll also want to clean your prostate massager before (and after) you use it.

Lube up

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again! The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so you need to use plenty of lube when using prostate massagers – or any anal toy.

Lovehoney’s resident Sex Expert, Annabelle Knight, recommends using a good quality water-based anal lube. It’s “specially formulated to be thicker than normal lube” and lasts longer, so you won’t have to keep reapplying. It’s also compatible with condoms and the widest range of toys.

Apply a generous amount of lube to the massager and the outside of your anus and top up as much as you need.

Get comfortable and warm up your body

If your prostate massager is a little larger than what you’re used to inserting anally, be sure to take time warming up with your favourite anal toy or your fingers before you get started.

Once you’ve covered the prostate massager in your chosen lube, position yourself comfortably, either on your back with your legs raised or bent over with your upper body leaning on a couch or bed.

Slowly slide your prostate massager inside, inch-by-inch, making sure to pause if you experience discomfort so your body can adjust to the new sensations. Say it with us: anal play should never hurt!

“Once I toyed with it for a bit, I pushed it all the way home and the head of it slid up against my prostate effortlessly and nearly made me orgasm straight away,” says pkm85, a Lovehoney customer. “Once I had got used to it pressing up against my P-spot the sensations that it was causing were exquisite.”

Top tip: If you’re feeling fully relaxed and appropriately lubed up but still struggling to insert your toy, try "bearing down" (as if you were trying to have a bowel movement) to push out and open up the muscles in your bum.

Find the most satisfying spot

Insert the prostate massager with the curved side facing towards your stomach for the most contact with your prostate. Grip the base of the toy and begin with a rubbing motion, tilting your toy so the tip moves around the prostate gland, making a mental note of which areas feel especially nice.

Try applying more pressure to the area and seeing how it affects your body. Many people find that firm pressure brings them closer (or all the way) to orgasm. Some toys like the Lovehoney High Roller have a shaft which rotates inside of you, meaning you can leave it to do the exploring while you pleasure yourself elsewhere.

You might also like to rock it in an up-and-down motion, where the toy strokes over the prostate gland rapidly for more consistent, quick stimulation. With experience, some people find that they can achieve a hands-free orgasm by clenching and releasing their muscles and letting the toy move with their body.

If your toy vibrates, try exploring those settings once you’ve found a satisfying position for your prostate massager – the additional stimulation feels amazing!

“The functions this has range from a solid vibrate all the way through to random pulses of varying degrees of intensity. Each one bringing both stimulation from inside and outside.” - GayBaker

The most important thing to remember is to go slowly and experiment. Don’t give up if the first toy you try doesn't do it for you. Everyone is different and it’s all about finding the right fit, angle and sensation to really get you going.

Get clean again

With anal play, there's always a risk of traces of poo or bacteria getting on fingers and anal sex toys. Sometimes it happens even if you've had a good clean beforehand. Try not to stress – it's totally natural.

But that’s why the post-play clean-up for an anal toy is extra important. Spend at least 30 seconds cleaning your sex toy with warm water and a mild soap or toy cleaner, leave it to air dry and then store it separately. Don’t forget to wash your hands and bum with soapy water, too.

Using sex toys with a partner can be an enjoyable way to feel more connected and discover new ways to give each other pleasure. Whatever your gender or sexual-orientation, anal sex can be a natural, fun way to experience sexual pleasure. So long as your sex is safe and consensual, you should never feel ashamed of liking anal sex.

Have a conversation about whether anal stimulation might feel pleasurable and, if they’re interested, always obtain consent before trying something new together.

Here are some pro tips:

• Help them feel relaxed and turned on by stimulating their erogenous zones, including their perineum.

• Ask your partner to get into a position for easy access to their prostate, such as lying on their back with their knees up, or face down on their stomach with you poised behind. This can be a great position for pegging if you want to try a strap-on to massage the prostate.

• Encourage your partner to breathe deeply and focus on what feels good.

• Talk through what you’re about to do and regularly check in with your partner, especially the first time you use a prostate massager.

• If your partner feels discomfort at any time take a break. If needed, slowly remove the toy.

Stimulating your prostate is a natural and fun part of exploring pleasure. As long as you’re not being pressured into anal play, it’s a wonderful thing to explore. Here’s are few final thoughts on keeping your prostate and bum healthy and safe:

• The skin covering the prostate gland is very delicate and sensitive. If you (or your partner) are inserting a finger in your anus, make sure nails are trimmed and you use lots of lube.

• As with any intimate play, keep hands and sex toys involved clean. Go slowly and gently – especially at first – and if you notice any pain or discomfort, then stop.

• Be careful not to stimulate the prostate for too long because it can become irritated (no one likes an irritated bum).

• And, if you know you have inflammation of the prostate gland, prostate cancer, chronic prostatitis or haemorrhoids, sexologist Sara Tang suggests you avoid prostate play.

All that said, hopefully you’re now feeling intrigued and excited to massage your prostate and see what pleasure it can bring you. Multiple orgasms: we’re coming for you.